My Growth As A Writer

My post, “My thoughts and My German” is the post the surprises me when I re-read it. It shows how I write casually with structure and voice, but also it was very reflective to a time where I felt very different about school. I feel accomplished of my writing growth in this quarter based on how effective I communicate my emotions to readers.

The first thing that I find striking when I re-read this in detail is how much structure I wrote into this. It seems more like an academic piece of writing, like I wrote it under the guidance of a prompt. However, I wrote this for myself, a way of venting or emotional processing: “I knew i would go to bed tonight not worrying about what I had to do to make my life better, what I had to do to make tomorrow count the most as it can for my future. A kind of inconceivable joy that can only be describe by laughing out loud.” I didn't write this to be put on my blog and I didn't expect it to be as structured as it is. I have varied types of words, calculated diction; some from my vocab list, while others were words that would be deemed advance by high school standards. Overall, I am proud how my writing, even when written in a casual tone, has grown.

The night I wrote my post, I was coming home from music class, as stated. Music to me is a one of the greatests sources of passion and motivation in my life: “I wanted to stay in that little room, looking over complicated pieces of music, studying keys and scales, making solos and melodies correctly over a series of shifting chords. It felt like love, something that I had aged into a masterpiece, held before all to see.” I am easily swayed by music that touches me; great melodies, smooth bass lines, I enjoy a melting pot of genres. As an artist, listening to music is practicing music, as while I'm listening, I can analyze the bass line for the key, then engineer the song to re-create. But, as a spectator of music, I am dedicated to alternative metal and rock, but jazz is a close second it is an extremely stimulating style to play. In every way, music lifts my emotions and brings me to my own “happy place”. Some people would call it my zone of my zen; I don't know about that, but it is certainly a passion I live for. At a behind-the-scenes perspective of me at the time, I felt very passionate about someone else, and combined with my love for music, you can say that my feelings created a perfect storm for me to write this. Hanging over my laptop, I stayed awake until late at night writing, hunched over. No break for drink, nor for food. I stayed persistent to complete the post, and even when I finished reading it several times over to ensure what I wanted to to say to the reader was being said.

The idea that I shouldn't let other people let me reach depression and to keep my head high because I have more important things to be happy for is what my post truly means. As already stated, music is my passion, it's what keeps my going. “I had the best time in a long time tonight at my music class. I feel proud of what I can do, something I love. I felt like I was flying, high above Starland, high above Alameda. I could even see into Oakland, if you get what I mean. I just felt awesome”. I face ridicule, criticism and harassment everyday as a consequence for not conforming to the mainstream. The mainstream, the male dominant perspective that characterizes men to be beings void of emotions and women to be objects of sensitivity, is something I am truly against; people should be allowed to be what they be. However, the way I want to be can be scorned upon. I wrote this post to spite whoever thinks I should think my inferior because I'm different, that I can be happy without other people not liking who I am.

One thing that I have been able to to do differently this year then from last year is to try new ideas with my writing. Due to the orthodox English analysis education system, many students are limited to practicing their writing craft to just analytical essays. However, with the blog post system, I am able to use new ideas. This creates a chain reaction, now I am able to think up new ideas for things to write about.

My ideas from blog posts come from events or other pieces of writing that cause controversies or things that inspire me. Controversial events, such as abortion in the case of my blog posts, are what I can base my formal ideas on. These events are very important to today's society and writing about them will contribute what I think to the matter. These events also have many differing sides due to them. Due to the clashing viewpoints, there will be a large amount of subject matter to report on, but most importantly, analyze and relate to higher things.

For reflective posts, I draw upon my passions for inspiration. Such as in my post, “My thoughts, and My German”, I write about music as a source of passion: “I had the best time in a long time tonight at my music class. I feel proud of what I can do, something I love. I felt like I was flying, high above Starland, high above Alameda. I could even see into Oakland, if you get what I mean. I just felt awesome” After music, I experience an high of motions. Since music has such an impact on me, I can consider my main source of inspiration. It acts as a trigger to my brain, something that releases stress and allows ideas through.

A Religious Conflict

 Conflict is what makes a story interesting and creates content that attracts the reader's attention. In the memoir “Night” By Elie Wiezel, he uses his experiences in the holocaust as a source of extreme conflict. The most powerful example is his emotions concerning his religions. When Eliezer loses faith, his struggle against god becomes the central conflict on “Night”

Eliezer is traumatized because of his experiences at the concentration camps. Being someone with a love of religion, he struggles with the feeling of being of abandoned by god and feels alone: “My eyes were and I was alone, alone is a world without God and without man. Without love of mercy. I had ceased to be anything but ashes...” (65) Feeling deserted, Eliezer is forced to come to terms with the harsh reality of the situation he is in. His mind suffer as he starts to show signs of depression; seeing no point in his world. The dramatic changes of how he feels because of how feels about god shows how character versus religion is the central conflict of night. He rebels and defies more traditions of the Jewish faith.

Eliezer takes respite, but still from defying traditions of the Jewish faith. On the day of Yom Kippur, He refuses to fast. He thinks, “I no loner accepted god's silence. As I swallowed my bowl of soup, I saw in the gesture an act of rebellion and protest against him... In the depths of my heart I felt a great void” (66), but he still finds anger. The two anomalies are him breaking a sacred tradition and him suffering from a self-righteous anger but still feel guilty about his choice. It is out of the norm for him to break a tradition, showing the he must be having a conflict not only against a supernatural force but also himself. This is further explored in him feeling guilty. He is going against something he had great faith and love for, and instead of feeling good, he feels empty; a great void. He anger festers further as he has controversies with other traditions.

At the height of Eliezer's conflict, he finds great anger. When the people of his block are praying, he is affected by controversies between the status of god and how he feels. He thinks:

“Why, but why should I bless Him? In every fiber I rebelled. Because he had had thousands of children burned in His pits? Because he kept six crematories working night and day, on Sundays and feast days? Because in His great might He had created Auschwitz, Birkenau, Buna, and so many factories of death? How could I say to Him: 'Blessed art Thou, Eternal , Master of the Universe, Who chose us from among the races to be tortured day and night, to see our fathers, our mothers, our brothers, end in the crematory? Priased be Thy Holy Name, Tho Who hast been chosen us to be butchered on Thine altar?'” (64)

The examples Eliezer provides serve as great points for proving many conflicts, but the root of it relates to his anger revolving god.

My thoughts, and my german. ;D

I had the best time in a long time tonight at my music class. I feel proud of what I can do, something I love. I felt like I was flying, high above Starland, high above Alameda. I could even see into Oakland, if you get what I mean. I just felt awesome. A superfluous sensory judgement warranted of an exclamatory response~! I knew i would go to bed tonight not worrying about what I had to do to make my life better, what I had to do to make tomorrow count the most as it can for my future. A kind of inconcievable joy that can only be describe by laughing out loud.

I wanted to stay in that little room, looking over complicated pieces of music, studying keys and scales, making solos and melodies correctly over a series of shifting chords. It felt like love, something that I had aged into a masterpiece, held before all to see.

A new feeling that I hadn’t really experienced before today was that I knew I could do something not many people could. I learned how to compose my own song, composed by me, based on mechanic principle of music ;D. I always wondered how that would feel, jamming away on a incorrect, amateur scale I had made up. I step closer to a professional stage I guess, a step away from your average Joe. Which made it feel good  because I had one more thing that I could impress everybody with.

Sigh, homework, I shouldn’t be complaining, other students have it worse. Much worse.

I'm trying to also relight some of my german-ness, I'ma try  some basic stuff ;D

Meine Famile ist aus Deutschland, England, Irland, Portugal und Tschechien. Meine Schwester hießt Kelsey. Sie und ich wohnen in Alameda. Sie ist achtzehn. Sie ist älter als ich. Sie hat blondes, langes Haar und grüne Augen. Sie ist nett, sauber, schön, und verrükt. Ich habe sie gern. Wie wohnen bei den Großeltern. Mein Großvater ist aus Deustschland. Er ist groß und ruhig. Meine Großmutter ist aus Tschechien. Sie ist schlank, schön, und verrückt. Meine Mutter ist aus Deustschland. Sie hat langes blondes Haar. Mein Vater ist aus Kalifornien. Er ist groß.

That was for my class, but I kept it instead of submitting it.